Complete Failure?

Two days ago I had a little emotional breakdown.

It was the night of my birthday. My boyfriend called me in the midnight, said happy birthday with joy in his voice, and started to singing. Suddenly I cried- nonstop. 

He's getting upset (as always every time I cried). He said he hates tears and weakness.

It's all about my 27th birthday. I get all emotional that night.

I said to him (yelled actually), "my life is a complete failure".
I'm 27 years old, I do not have my own apartment or house, I still living in Kos,
I do not have my own car.
And what about career?  My boss, when he was 28 years old, he already becoming CFO in Korea. Me? I do not have anyone to lead.

I know, I sound like an ungrateful jerk.

But I have my reason. Since I was a kid, my family and my friends see me as someone who will be very successful. I always be in top of my class, every single year, since elementary school until high school. Never missed that top percentile. I was number one in my class in SMAN 5 Bandung (one of best school in my birth city at that time). I was studied in ITB (you know, the Best University in Indonesia - well this might be debatable for some people, but ITB is really really good). I have both my bachelor and master degree from ITB with scholarship. I'm not just that diligent girl. I have vision and determination, I'm so tough about my work. And look where I am right now.

My boyfriend was very upset to me when I said all of that. He said that I'm very ungrateful. He said that if I'm a single parent with 5 kids, and I do not have any money, then I can say that.
He said, with all of my degree, with my career right now, with my experience as the only girl my company sent to Japan last year to working there. I should not be so harsh to myself.

I got his points. But my standard is not that 'ordinary'. I cannot easily satisfied.

I know that my reaction was super bad that night. I had a tiring day, and with all of the hormones, I felt extremely upset that night.
It is so extra when I said I'm a complete failure. No, I'm not a complete failure of course. But it is not good enough for me.

Being hungry for self-accomplishment is different with being ungrateful. If you are easily satisfied, you will not achieve the best potential. Never. It is important sometimes, in some level to feel disappointed about yourself and make it better.

I refuse myself to sit tight on my chair and said oh my god how wonderful life is, when birds is chirping and flower is blooming, and my life is just that ordinary.

How much I hate that ordinary word.

Life is so short, right? Then fight for it. Fight like you keeping score with life. Fight like it is so important to you that in your deathbed, you can proud of your life. Proud with everything you achieve.