Need You Now

Have you ever heard a song titled "Need you now"?
Well, it is not about the song, but about me who has a big problem and need someone.

My boyfriend is really something.

I love him so much and I know he also does love me, but he has totally different ways to tackle a problem.

He and I are different. I'm more about whining, complaining, crying, and all emotional. I'm all about being reactive. On the other hand, he is super stable, so fewer emotions.

Last night, I have a big problem in the office. My boss wants to develop my career/ability/whatever it is, in the way that I'm not used to and not agree in the beginning.

I cannot say no because it is a challenge and I have to do it, but to be honest, I'm not ready and I do not like it.

I started getting quite stressful. I started to create different scenarios in my head (usually worst scenario is being kept repeating in my head).

I started to cry and cannot get proper sleep last night. And I told my boyfriend.

Do you know, what is my expectation? He is to understand. He is to listen. He is to comfort me.
But what did I get? He said some few words like "be patience" and "that's life". And when I kept my story go on, he started to yell at me. Not yell as a yell, literally. But in a higher voice and strong words.
To be exact, he said that, "you have a loser mentality, stop fantasizing, stop whining, and move on."

I was devastated. I'm really tired last night, physically and mentally, and he said all of those things.

I was angry and I said that he was rude and stupid cold-blooded heart.

When I arrived at the home, he said sorry. And I forgave him.

Why? Because he is he. He does not mean to harm me. He is just being Amry. He does not like to hear my whining, he wants me to be stronger.

Well, I forgave him and still do love him, still very much. But I'm also feeling a bit disappointed.

It is a moment when I cried help from him, I said to him I need you now, at this moment, to be my loving supportive boyfriend. I do not need you to say to me how strong I have to be, because I knew it already. I just need your ears and little sympathy.

But he cannot ever be like that. That's his style and personality.

And that is called relationship everyone. A relationship is hard and definitely not for everyone. But you still get addicted to it and keep looking for it.