Good men/ Good women (?)

Last night, my bf told me how he has a little argument with his friends about how to be a good man.

Some people said that being a good man simply means you're being a good father and good husband, provide for your family in a good manner. Of course it is correct for married man, for a father generally. I hate lousy, irresponsible father who knows how to 'make the children' but do not have any idea about how to raise them.

And for woman, I heard some people said that a woman is not a woman yet before raising a child.

Yes, yes, those are good roles for both women and men. But, but.. How if we do not married yet, if we do not have kids yet to raise. Is it make us less good?

Unfortunately, in this (shitty (?)) country, most of the people think like that.

How naive and superficial thinking.

I'm not opposing marriage. I want to get married, someday, in the future. But if I cannot get marriage right now (I'm 26 yo fyi), or my boyfriend (he's 3x fyi) doesn't  want to get married right now, it doesn't make us a bunch of failed people.

No.

Jesus didn't get married. St. Paul, St. John, didn't get married. Mother Theresa as well.

They didn't get married, and should we call them not good men/good women?
They are much better, 100 times better than many married people having 10 kids but their life is useless as fuck and never contribute to society.

Married or not married. Having child or childless. It's not a proper parameter to determine whether someone is good or not. Whether they are success or not.

Living with a good purpose (vision) to be useful for someone else in this shitty world, that makes us a good wonderful person. Trying everyday to be less self-centered, to share what we have to other people (whether it is our family, our kids, or somebody we do not know), that makes us a good wonderful person.

I hope people will stop defining what good person means by the 'marriage/having kids' criteria.
No, it is wrong.

I refuse to getting married, if I'm not fully ready, if I know that I cannot be a good mother to my kids.
It's better to take our time, take it slowly, and learn.

I respect my boyfriend's decision as well. I never ask him about marriage stuff. Because I know where he stands right now. He is not ready, and asking him constantly doesn't make him more ready. If we are getting married now, I mean today, we can assure that we will be terrible partners and then definitely will be terrible parents.

I think, it's time for us to give more respect to other people's choices in their lives.
Stop making judgement about other people's business.
Nobody should gives too much damn about how we have to live it.

Those fond memories that can cause the blood rushed into my head

Yesterday, two of my girlfriends asked me to go to Japan again.

Thinking about visiting Japan again, it's like there is blood rush into my head.
I always (literally and figuratively) feel warm when I'm thinking about Japan. There are so many fond memories about that place.

It's a place when my bf came for me. Where I can feel that he genuinely cares and misses me, then he comes to meet me.

Fushimi Inari, Kyoto, Japan

It's a place where I feel proud of myself, my work achievement. When I can show off, about my works, my knowledge.

A place where I found many new Japanese friends. People that until today still keeping in touch with me.

And the most important thing, a first place that make me can say, I'm alone but not lonely.
I'm always being so spoiled. You can ask my bf. He mentioned it regularly. He will said that I look like a kitty. Always want to be spoiled. I do not want him to be far, it makes me feel lonely.
But in Japan, all of that loneliness that I constantly feel in Indonesia, can disappear by time.
I can really breathe. I can feel my self, top to toe. Be aware one hundred percent. Every corners in Japan makes me feel excited. And I do not have any problem to go travelling across Japan only by myself.

You know, my bf even said that in Japan, I gave less complaints. I looked happier and more brave than before.
My boss said that after back from Japan, my confidence level increases.

Then when my girlfriends asked me to go to Japan again, I feel the blood rushed into my head.

But, can I go back to Japan (not for working anymore, but for leisure) while I just went there in October last year.

There's this feeling, that rushed feeling encourage me to say yes, I want to go again!

But then, this logic feeling (also my bf said the same thing), that it's very impulsive and a bit reckless to go abroad for vacation to the same countries when you just went there 4 months ago. It takes a lot of money to go abroad.

So I informed my friends that I cannot go this year.

So I informed my bf that the decision makes me feel sad. I do really want to go.

He said, someday we will back again. We will. Walk all of those fond and warm memories in my heart. Go to see Fuji-san again. Go to Hatagaya again to see my old apartment. Go to Kamakura again. We will.

Kyoto, Japan

Gods Must be Crazy

Gods must be crazy, aren't they?

Well, last night I watched "God Must be Crazy" movie in Netflix. It's kind of surprising me to see that movie in Netflix catalogue.When I was a kid, I used to watch this movie on TV. Not only one time, but maybe three or four times.

So after I do not know, maybe 7 or 8 years, I watched the movie again last night.
And the movie still made me laugh, big times.Still super funny. And you know what, I realized one thing that I missed when I was a kid, the script is very very good. The dialogue is far from corny. Quite clever dialogues I guess.

My favorite lines are in the beginning of the movie :

"Civilized man refused to adapt himself to his environment; instead, he adapted his environment to suit him. So he built cities, roads, vehicles, machinery, and he put up power lines to run his labor-saving devices. But somehow he didn't know where to stop. The more he improved his surroundings to make life easier, the more complicated he made it. So now his children are sentenced to 10-15 years of school, just to learn how to survive in this complex and hazardous habitat they were born into. And civilized man, who refused to adapt to his surroundings, now finds he has to adapt and re-adapt every hour of the day to his self-created environment."

Damn! It's so deep and true (for some points) as well.

How can we missed that point? I never realize it until yesterday.

We, who called ourselves as modernized, complex, 'so-number-one' creature in this universe, do refuse to adapt to our environment.
Of course, all of that civilization and modernization is essential and good. Health improvements, lower death rate caused by child birth, technology, you name it.

But when we did the civilization and modernization, we refused to think a bit harder about our environment, our surroundings. We didn't want to 'adapt' with them. We built our buildings, our roads, and all of those things, but when we did that we do not care if we have to ruin the environment, if we have to hurt other creatures. 

Animals didn't responsible for the global warming. They didn't responsible for their extinction.
Plants and trees didn't responsible to their own extinction. Nope.
We, human, are fully responsible.
We did deforestation, we are responsible to all of those pollution in this world. We did hunting, fishing, mining with our greedy heart.

We refuse to adapt with the nature. Human are just so self-centered. We want the nature to adapt to us, to our need. Unfortunately nature does not work that way.

Then, we also keep pushing ourselves, our children to live in a stressful environment that we created. Some people lost their appetite to enjoy things. We are too stress since very young age.

Well, if the Bushmen think that those civilized & modernized human being as the Gods in that movie. Then they are right one hundred percents. The Gods must be crazy!

Know When You Should Shut Up!

You know, when you feel so upset to your partner, the best thing that you can do is to communicate it properly.

But, sometimes, there are some moment when you think, well, it's better left unsaid.

After getting together for two years, I think my bf and I have experienced so many fights together. And some of the stupidest fight comes from we tried to communicate everything. What a contradiction.

For example, I asked my bf to help me copy some photos from my trip to Australia. I cannot do that by myself because my laptop cannot read the memory card and his can. So I asked him.
You know what makes me "extremely upset over super silly small thing" is that after I asked him for days, he still sometimes forget and just do not do it correctly. It makes me a bit frustrated.

You've already asked nicely, but how if he keeps forgetting. You cannot communicate it properly again, correct? You just getting super upset and the only thing that you want to do is start accusing and yelling.

But in a relationship, of course a healthy loving relationship, you cannot keep doing that.Then you realized and again you implement "something is better left unsaid".
Because after some amount of times being together, you know that you should pick up your fight. You cannot bring everything, every small small thing that makes you feel upset into a fight. Cannot. We should pick matter things. So again, something is better left unsaid.

I do not know, I felt seriously upset to him last night. It's like why dont you do it just properly. It's only small favor.

But then, I tried to keep it down, and just forget it. Trying to understand, that well most of guys will do the same exact thing, "forgetting". We asked them to do something, then he says "later", then he actually totally forgot.

My bf is a nice decent guy. He never hurt me physically or cheating on me. He takes care of me and help my work sometimes. And let's face it, he is my best friend right now. Someone I share everything.

So he just forget small thing, and compared to what he did to me so far, it doesn't matter.

In a relationship, good communication is everything, but good communication doesn't mean you should tell everything in your head, even to the closest person. Nah. Sometimes, "better left unsaid" is a great thing that you can do in your relationship.

Getting Older

Yesterday, I have dinner with my bf and we started to discuss his coming-soon-birthday next month. Then we were joking about his age, well 32 years old sounds very old to me. He said while laughing that this December he wants to stay 31.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, I said, well if you will turn into 33 yo next year, then I will be 27 yo.
Suddenly I felt a bit sad. It's like, nooo, I'm getting older. Not so young anymore.

I'm thinking, what is my accomplishment so far. 
Compared to my original plan about what my life should be, I feel that my achievement is still not good enough. I'm still quite poor (compared to my plan in 26 yo with background having bachelor degree and master degree from ITB), I'm still living in a Kos..
Well, of course there are some good things too along the way. I went to Japan for working experience (it was awesome!). I went to Australia for pleasure (with my own pocket money). And to Singapore, Malaysia, and Thailand also as well during two years. Yes it is awesome, as a child from middle class family background who even didn't have passport till 24 years old. But it's still far from my target.

Then I'm thinking, how about physical appearance.
Even though I know how superficial to think about appearance, but still, as a woman, it matters for me. Cannot capture the image of me with different skin and hair (which of course tend to not as good as when I'm younger.

I know that I act a bit dramatic (and I resent myself to be those kind of stupid drama queen), but gosh, little part of me really want to stop this train for a while. Can I stay 26 yo, like forever, or maybe a bit longer..

It's stupid. And lame as well.

After went home and took a bath, I started to think about it again, but then I realized (again), how stupid and lame that wish (to stay younger longer).
Getting old is something natural. It's healthy. It's a part to getting abundant experiences in this short life.
I will not be able to grab all of those knowledge, all of those experiences, all of those wisdom (that you can only acquired by getting old), if you stay younger and ask the time to stop ticking.
I will stay stupid and reckless.
By getting old, you know, as long as you live in right track of course, you will earn respect as well.

Experiences, knowledge, wisdom, respect, and if you are lucky enough, you get more power as well when you are getting older gracefully.

Getting older is not so terrifying, if you live your life with the best effort. It should be good.
Of course there might be some bumps along the way, but again, as long as you are always aware, be careful, and do good things when you grow up, getting old should not be so bad. It's nice actually.

Maybe.

Talk Less than Necessary

I always love talking. It is fun way to release all of the stress (for me).
But you know, in my 26 years living experience, I started to learn that talking too much is just stupid and dangerous.

History speaking, successful leader never speak too much. They know how to keep it for themselves. You can always be free with your mind. Think anything you want about whatever you like, but always limit yourselves to speak. Because first, once you talked about something, it will never be able to taken back. And second, what is the advantage to let people get inside your head and know your thoughts.

I started to apply this into my life. Don't let people to know what you do really think. Just say enough, even less than necessary. Don't let people use your own words against you.

Living Overseas

I'm so lucky to get a chance to work abroad for the very first time. My company sends me to work in Tokyo for three months. It was a great experience for me, when I go back to Indonesia, I feel and think differently.

My bf (who had overseas working experience earlier than me), always says that going overseas for some amount of time will definitely change you. You will be able to compare a lot of things with the way you used to live in Indonesia.

I think that statement is almost 100% true. Of course for some narrow-minded people, it's not going to happen. But if you're willing to open your mind, you'll understand what I mean.

In Tokyo (one of the best cities in the world for Human Living Index), even though I live alone, but I can tell that I have the best fun. Every weekend I will go (only by myself!) to Mount Fuji and Lake surrounding it, or go to numerous fabulous gardens all around Tokyo, I even go to Yokohama, Chiba, Saitama, hike Mount Takao, etc. I enjoyed the cultural performance such as Kabuki and Japanese Tea Ceremony. In the evening after working hours, I go to nearby cake store and take a good strolling in Shinjuku.
For the first time, I do not feel so lonely, even though I live alone. I feel inner peace every time I see the gardens or the lakes. It soothe me.
I also learned that living quality in Japan is much higher than Indonesia. They have better air, water, environment, and surprisingly very safe for woman.

Unlike in Indonesia, which usually my bf frequently commented that I'm a bit spoiled, in Japan, I learned to be tough and brave, do everything by myself and feel happy.
Learn to not let sorrow and loneliness hurt me.

I miss Japan for sure, but I feel glad to say yes when my boss asked me to go (in the first place, I felt really nervous about living alone).
I get a lot of things, not only experiences, improved skills, and new knowledge, but I also strengthen my soul, learn to find the balance in my life, and the most important thing, learn to enjoy most of my time.