Love Yourself

I had a difficult time in the workplace. I'm happy working there, but being happy without real progress is not enough. And to make it worst, suddenly "Negara API" attacking and everything changed in the office.

I have a very clear, discrete plan for my future. I know what I want to be in every five years. I have it in the picture on a paper actually. When my ex-boss saw it, he said, you are so ambitious. Well, how can you face yourself each morning in mediocrity?  I want to be the best, even though I realize it takes time and process. But I need constant progress. 

I started rather slow in my career, you know. Most people started when they were 22 yo. But for me, I spend another two years for a master degree. I started when I was 24 yo. I need to accelerate right now. I can't wait any longer. 

I had my struggles in the past four weeks. I talked previously about the transferring to another department. Hey, I'm not allergic to changes. But this change has zero benefits (in my perspective) for my future career. I should start from the beginning again, without any raise or promotion or whatsoever. 

I'm a fool if I do nothing. 

I'm not saying that I'm that brilliant. But I'm very good at my job, I have all of the degrees and certification you need. I have the attitude. So, I said to myself, nothing is irreplaceable. 

Thank's to God, He knows my heart, my struggles, the pain. He opened the way, in a way that I don't even imagine it first. 

Only in two weeks process, I have another job. With the promotion that I always want, better level, a raise (50%!) and a better health plan. 

Again, glory to the Lord who leads us even in the darkest hours. 

I know, there will be many stories, risks, challenges ahead waiting for me. But hey, that's life!

For every woman out there, never ever give up on yourself. Never ever let yourself be that fool dancing on the strings held by those big shots. Never. Take the control of your life. Fight until you can't breathe anymore. Fight for your life. Because no one, no human being, will love you like you should love yourself. No one will take care of you like you should take care of yourself. 

War

I spent several nights to watch Netflix documentary about the Vietnam War (also called American War). There are 10 episodes, covered around 25 years of the War.

Watched the documentary did really break my heart. I felt sick, devastated, and angry as well.
2 million Vietnamese and 50,000 Americans lost their lives during the war. 1 of 5 Vietnamese was homeless...

Vietnamese wanted their freedom, no matter how expensive the price. And they had every right to think and do so. On the other hand, American could not stand to see the world felt into Communism. They were in cold war against Russia, and the last thing they wanted was that Southeast Asia becoming red at that time.

Vietnamese divided into North and South Vietnam. South Vietnam is backed by the Americans, while North Vietnam is backed by Russia and China.

To summarize, after more than 20 years supported and backed South Vietnam, American pulled out their support. Americans people became weary of the war. Anti-war demonstrations were everywhere. They had enough of the war, and Richard Nixon administration ended their military support.  and after that, on April 1975, South Vietnam Army and Viet Cong successfully defeated South Vietnam and the county was united. I think it is safe to say that aside what ideology finally implemented (which ideology is wrong or right), at the end of the day, the Vietnam people won the war. But then again, the price is too expensive. Too expensive.

In every single war, for resources, for ideology, for whatever reason, the people will pay the highest price. They do not have the power to stand. And most of the time, the government will do everything, including lying, covering, and manipulating to win the war.

Bravery, gallantry, patriotism, sometimes being manipulated to achieve certain elite's interests.

Watched the documentary taught me several things. Firstly, in this mean world (dog-eat-dog world) we cannot be that naive. To be frank, no one will do really think about our goodness, except our own selves. When we were young, we are easily manipulated and used by the 'bigger' people around us. Do not fall into that trap again. Remember always to think and think again, use the brain to think what's right, what's wrong, and speak up. Don't believe something just because some people says so.
Secondly, history is super powerful. It can open our eyes and our conscious. We learn from history so we do not repeat the same mistakes. So spread the history. Use your social media with your brain. Don't spoil it too much for the stupid shallow thing always, spread the message, try to be a good influencer.

We want this world to be a better world. Then we should start with ourselves.

Japan

Do you watch World Cup 2018 in Russia? I have watched world cup since 2002 and it is safe for me to say that World Cup 2018 is the best world cup ever. So many upsets (upset is a term used if the favorite hot team is defeated by the less one) and it's super entertaining.

Well, Amry and I support Japan Team in this world cup, not because we work in Japanese Company, but because we like to support underdog team in the world cup and well, both of us were so impressed during our visit to Japan.

Japan was in the same group with Colombia, Poland, and Senegal. And Japan was the least expected to go through the knockout stage. But this is wonderful about football in a big tournament like the world cup, everyone has a chance to make a surprise win. And Japan did it. Japan and Colombia were the two group to pass to the knockout stage. Unfortunately, they couldn't make it further. They were defeated by Belgium (no 3 in the world) in injury time after led 2-0. Well, I was a bit sad but Amry was devastated (wkwkwkwkw).

I remember, I told him that he shouldn't be sad. He should be proud. Japan is number 61 in FIFA ranking and is able to play with 16 best clubs in knockout phase is already a big achievement. They beat Colombia, draw with Senegal (who has Sadio Mane for god sake), and almost win over Belgium (again No 3 in the world).

Nothing to be ashamed of. They played aggressively and they can go home with their heads up.

Germany received tons of critics after they were beaten by South Korea. They should be embarrassed to went home so early because they have a pedigree team, they have the talent, the European physical, they have last year world cup trophy. And Japan did not have any of them, still, they fought bravely and achieved more than expected.

Sometimes, in life, we do not have so much when we were born. We do not have the best talent, best physical advantage, best resources to be a success in this world. But it should not prevent you to try your best in every competition in your life. Should not prevent you from fought bravely and gallantly. No matter what is the result, make sure that you fight and can face every competition with your heads up.

Perfection

What defines a perfect sunset for you? At the beach with zero clouds?

Well, to be honest, I cannot find another set of example. Sunset at the oceanfront without any clouds hovering is the best I guess. I enjoy the time to see the sun goes down perfectly, it's like the see eats the sun.

But not every time we go to the beach, we can see that perfect sunset. Sometimes there are lots of clouds and we cannot see the sunset. I'm not going to the beach so often so when I go, I hope there are no clouds at all.

Anyway, lately, I enjoyed one sunset with my special one. Well by the definition, it is not a perfect sunset. There were some clouds, but I realized one thing. No matter what situation, as long as you enjoyed it with people who matter the most, everything will be so perfectly balanced and harmonized. Seeing the sunset while holdings hands, then enjoying drinks (a.k.a beers) and the food is one of the most romantic evenings of my life.

By the time, I learn that experience is more valuable than things, but loved ones are above all. 

Si Cantik & Si Galak - Sunset

Dinner with Sunset 

Perfection

When we are upset or angry, we tend to forget how good is someone to us.

I'm not saying that my boyfriend is perfect. No.. He is not and so am I. But in this dog-eat-dog world, I cannot imagine how messed up I will be without him.

He helped me to buy a repeater when my wifi signal is not so good. He's the first one I tell about all of the shitty things in work. He took care of me when I was sick.

But then, when I was upset or angry or super tired, sometimes, I think I take him for granted. Fortunately, after a while, I will realize and say sorry. Of course, it is better to not doing it since the beginning, but late is better than never.

Having a partner in your life is not that essential. But when you have one, make sure that you are grateful and cheer them and treat them as nice as possible.

I'm so grateful to have him in my life. He is not perfect and so am I, but we do have each other.

Kartini

Last month, we celebrated Kartini's day. In Indonesia, Kartini is a symbol of women empowerment. Kartini was born in an era where women were not treated equally. Women are not allowed to receive higher education, cannot work, etc..

Every year, we will celebrate the Kartini's day, and along with the robust growth of social media using among Indonesians, our social media feed will be filled with many women quoted Kartini's statement, wearing kebaya and declare themselves as Kartini, or declare their mother or acquaintances as Kartini. In TV and radio, we will also hear people quoted some women as Kartini. 

And for these past two years, I will ask the exact same question to my boyfriend, "On what ground these women acknowledge themselves or their family or their friends as modern Kartini?"

Just because you are a woman, it doesn't make you automatically entitled to be "modern Kartini".

Just because a woman wearing a Kebaya, it doesn't make her automatically entitled to be "modern Kartini".

Just because your mother is nice to you and gave birth to you, it doesn't make her automatically entitled to be "modern Kartini".

Kartini is a woman who thinks ahead than her generation at that time. At her time, most of the women will think that it's completely OK and acceptable to get married as soon as possible without receive education or having a career. Their only goal is to serve their husband and be a good mother. 

Kartini cannot just accept the traditions or culture that restrain her right to study or to work. And only for her, but for all of Indonesia women. And she did something about it.

A woman who deserves to be called "modern Kartini" is not a woman with Kebaya or woman who is nice to her kids. Every other woman in Kartini's era also wear Kebaya and is a good mother, but they are not Kartini. They just ordinary women who never made any significant thing for women empowerment. 

"Modern Kartini" is a woman who (again) think ahead of her generations. Who is independent and can think and act for herself. Who realize that even today there are still so many discrimination (including in working place and in the society) and abusing to Indonesia women. Who acts and give her voice to that matter. 

That is a modern Kartini. 

Meet up the parents

So.. next week, I will meet his parents. For the first time in almost three years we are having this relationship.

I’m a bit nervous. I want his family to like me. Of course. He likes his family, I like him, so I need his family to like me.

It’s a bit stupid. I’m nervous about what I’m going to wear, how if they do not like me..

Several times, I said to him and to myself. Why am I so panic. I love him so much and I care about him sincerely. I’m highly educated, from good family. Nothing to worry. But still.

Well, let’s see how it turns out. Hopefully they will like me!

Kiss

Do you remember your first kiss?

I remember mine. It was so beautiful. I remember it in such details. It was only like 10 seconds, but the feel lingers until today. It was sweet. I remember his face came down, I can feel his lips in my eyes, then my nose, and then our lips met only for that magical 10 seconds. It was so sweet. 

In my country, a kiss between man and woman is taboo to discuss. People talked about it like it was something disgusting. Like something dirty and naughty.

I’m 100% disagree. I used to called them “norak” or “kampungan” or “munafik”.

Kiss is a way, an expression to tell someone that you love them. That simple.

What makes it dirty is the perception, that it can lead to fornication. So sad, aren’t they? Just because you cannot do it, do not judge people who do it.

Kiss can be interpreted in so many ways. It shows love, affection, compassion, friendship, greetings, respect. So many ways. Of course, it can also show lust. But not every kiss.

As educated people, we know the limit. I know the limit. Just it is super annoying when some people keep judging it and point their "holy" hands to other people who do it. 

I’ve never felt ashamed to said it, that my boyfriend has kissed me. With love. Not dirty at all. He kisses me because he loves me, and so do I.

When somebody talked about kisses or do it, then other people (in my country) will make it as a gossip and judge it, they will say that it is a Western culture, not good for children to see. 

Well, if you just would like to open your mind for a bit and stop judging something just based on what your parents or society said. If you just can stop mind other people’s business. Love is universal, it is not a Western culture only. 

Kiss is simple and beautiful. It creates a connection between two people. And if you see it in an educated way, there is nothing wrong with it. Nothing.

Give Up

There will be many moments in life where we find ourselves want to scream as loud as possible saying that life is sucks. Like super sucks.

Career, finance, family, love-life. It can be sucked sometimes

It is OK to say that. But said it out loud, will never change a thing. Not a single thing.
What will change it is your actions toward the problem.

To be honest, these last two weeks are not my favorite weeks. I have some trouble in work place. I used to be so certain and firm about my career. Always. I know what I want to achieve. The goal is very clear, and I worked my ass off for that. And the company disappointed me. After years and years working my ass off, I feel that they do not treat me fairly. I plan to resign to be honest. This not the first time. I knew how to resign and how to get a job soon. I've experienced it three years ago.

I said to my boyfriend several times this week, that life is sucks, super sucks. But again, he said it to me, saying that out loud won't change anything. What matter is how we turn this inconvenience (shit) for our advantage. Take a deep breath and do not rush it.

So...

I decided to suck it up. For a while. Until I have more bargaining power. I took some step back to review my life and come up with new plan.

Life is suck, generally. Of course it can be beautiful momentarily. But generally, this life is unfair and suck. There is no definite rules saying that if you keep doing good and work very hard then the result will be in line with your expectation. No, it is not. The result is likely of course, but there is no certainty.

It something that we should accept. And do not ever think that we want to give it up. Never. Be a fighter. Who wins thing.

Life is suck, but it will never brings me down.

Promises

When you take a promise, you are bound to keep that commitment. People make promises all the time from the small insignificant thing, but then they tend to forget about it.

Promises, whether you fulfill it or not, will indicate how we value people to whom we make promises and at the same time indicate how we value ourselves (our own words). Simply speaking, keeping our promises closely related to our integrity.

I limit myself to 'making promises' thingy. For example, I never said that I will write this blog often, because then if I do not do it often, people will question my integrity. Can I trust this person again when he or she says something, while he or she make a promise one time and do not fulfill it? Rather than do that, I just said it to myself (verbally to myself) that I will keep writing on my blog since it develops my skills and reduce my stress.

My boyfriend never makes a promise, that he will marry me in some specific years. And so do I. I never make such promises as well. Promise raise expectation and put our integrity and commitment on the betting table. Why on earth smart people will ever do that to themselves? I love him and respect him and so do him to me, but we are just ordinary people, we are still learning to keep that commitment and hoping that one day we will brave enough to say it verbally and in writing that we take that commitment forever to take a knot. There are smart and important reasons why we do not married yet. 

My point is, some people make a lot of promises, for small insignificant matter until big serious things. They just say it, in order to convince people to believe them. They do not think about it thoroughly. Some people do not realize that build your integrity is much more important than making some problem instantly disappear temporarily. Keeping your own words is one way to show that you respect yourself and other people.

So, stop making promises if you do not really mean it. Stop making promises just to convince people or to make the problem disappear today. Stop making promises you know that you cannot or will not fulfill it. Be a better person and bigger person, even though people will not see it directly, do it because you respect yourselves.

Working out the menu

I am a bit allergic to major and massive changes. I like stability and gradually changes.

My boyfriend, Amry, will say that I have to be more adept to changes and be braver to try something new. 

From the most basic thing like food, I have many limitations and do not like many foods. 

I only eat fish (not every fish, limited types and should be deep fried or roasted), chicken, and beef. I eat every fruit in the world, but cannot eat all of the vegetables. Yes, I am a picky eater. I do not like pork, duck, goat, sheep, clamps, crab, scallops, cauliflower, cabbage, and there is a list going on. So every time, I go on a date, I will choose the menu. My boyfriend should compromise. It's OK for him, actually, since dating with me, he has overall better health conditions, lower cholesterol. 

Anyway, reluctant to new things is not so dearly. I have to change my habit, slowly and gradually.
Today, I decide to work on Starbucks menu as an initial step. I thought, well why not, it should be easy. Fyi, I always order green tea latte, plain green tea (zen tea), and vanilla latte. Three type of beverages for these years. Over and over and over. I always get afraid to try something new, even something simple like coffee. I know, I have a mental disorder...

So today, I order something new, Asian Dolce Latte. It takes me 5 minutes to choose the 'new beverage' to try. Which one makes me less scared. 

Even though it seemed extremely simple and easy for you, but for me, it is nowhere from easy. Can you imagine? 

But the point is that I try. Try to change something negative in my life. Try to overcome my stupid silly fear.

We all have those stupid silly fear. And how to overcome the fear, by fighting it. It will go nowhere if we do nothing. So I start with the simplest thing and hope to leave my fear forever.

Let's check something not good that we want to change, and take a baby step. The most difficult thing is always to start first. 

Btw, Asian Dolce Latte is not so bad as I imagine. Quite nice actually! :)

Bangkok - Ribka & Amry's Journey

Bangkok is exotic.
The traffic is similar with Jakarta, but the manner of drivers is much better (no one gives clackson, even in the heavy traffic jam). People are not as kind as in Jakarta, but still OK. Food is incredible.

Spent 4 days in Bangkok. My third favorite country after Japan and Australia.

Overall, 7.5 from 10. Much more interesting than Singapore.

Day 1 Bangkok - Foodstreet, Platinum Mall

Day 2 Bangkok - Wat Arun

Day 2 Bangkok - Wat Phra Chettuphon

Day 2 Bangkok - Wat Phra Chettuphon

Day 3 Bangkok - Jim Thompshon's House 

Day 3 Bangkok - with Tuk Tuk

Day 3 Bangkok - with Tuk Tuk

Need You Now

Have you ever heard a song titled "Need you now"?
Well, it is not about the song, but about me who has a big problem and need someone.

My boyfriend is really something.

I love him so much and I know he also does love me, but he has totally different ways to tackle a problem.

He and I are different. I'm more about whining, complaining, crying, and all emotional. I'm all about being reactive. On the other hand, he is super stable, so fewer emotions.

Last night, I have a big problem in the office. My boss wants to develop my career/ability/whatever it is, in the way that I'm not used to and not agree in the beginning.

I cannot say no because it is a challenge and I have to do it, but to be honest, I'm not ready and I do not like it.

I started getting quite stressful. I started to create different scenarios in my head (usually worst scenario is being kept repeating in my head).

I started to cry and cannot get proper sleep last night. And I told my boyfriend.

Do you know, what is my expectation? He is to understand. He is to listen. He is to comfort me.
But what did I get? He said some few words like "be patience" and "that's life". And when I kept my story go on, he started to yell at me. Not yell as a yell, literally. But in a higher voice and strong words.
To be exact, he said that, "you have a loser mentality, stop fantasizing, stop whining, and move on."

I was devastated. I'm really tired last night, physically and mentally, and he said all of those things.

I was angry and I said that he was rude and stupid cold-blooded heart.

When I arrived at the home, he said sorry. And I forgave him.

Why? Because he is he. He does not mean to harm me. He is just being Amry. He does not like to hear my whining, he wants me to be stronger.

Well, I forgave him and still do love him, still very much. But I'm also feeling a bit disappointed.

It is a moment when I cried help from him, I said to him I need you now, at this moment, to be my loving supportive boyfriend. I do not need you to say to me how strong I have to be, because I knew it already. I just need your ears and little sympathy.

But he cannot ever be like that. That's his style and personality.

And that is called relationship everyone. A relationship is hard and definitely not for everyone. But you still get addicted to it and keep looking for it.

How can you stand mad to the rain?
Today, I plan to go to the church after several weeks. I thought, despite of all the dissenting opinions, today is Easter, and I have to go to the church, to say, “I’m all a sinner”.
I just changing my clothes and start ordering an ojek, and suddenly a big raining comes up.

Well, I’m very upset. Why on earth it has to be raining, on the day I decided to go back to the church. Seriously? Like can’t you wait for another 30 minutes?

So, I wait until the raining stops. It was a big raining with thunders and lightning. I have to wait.
One hour later, the raining is not so bad, I go outside. It’s already too late to go to the church, so I take my lunch.

On my way, I smell the rain. You know? That fresh and clean smell, mix with the grass and the soil. It felt pure. Like all of the shit this city has produced today, just cleansed away.

So how can you stay mad to the rain? Even though it’s ruining your plan, you cannot stand being upset. You will be pushed to just enjoy what this nature gives you. A fresh clean aroma the raining gives.

Singing - is for Every one.

Have you ever heard a duck singing?
Next question, do you want to hear a duck singing? Quack quack all along?

Well, if you truly want to hear a duck singing, you can ask me to sing. My boyfriend (again??? Yes he is my truly frenemy. That's why I love him) reminds me regularly how bad my voice is.

But I love singing! Since I was a little girl, I always love singing. My music knowledge and taste are even better than my boyfriend  (at least on my own opinion).

Then, do we have to stop doing something we love just because people said so? No! Totally no.
Even tough I realize that my singing voice is like a duck quaking, but he can't and never stopping me.

Singing is for everyone. It is free, fun, and need little requirement. There is no rule saying that only people with moderate to good voice are allowed to sing. No way!

My point is do not ever let anyone to control your life. Your right. No matter who are they, they do not have any right to say that you can do this or you cannot do this. As long as you do not do something bad and play by the rules, so what, just said, "kiss my ass if you want to stop me."

And do not ever stop doing something just because people think you are not good at it. So what? If you do not want to listen my singing, just get out. It's easy.

Do what you need to do. Life is so short, right? Then again, make it so damn valuable, every single second. And make it fun while it lasts!

Hormones

It is the time of the month again.

Maybe most of the women will understand it. The time of the month when you will upset over small things, being that super sensitive bitch, and feel like you need a conflict to feel better (being temporally drama queen). Women understand, because women feel it, actively, so I guess we share the pain together.

I guess, men, on the other hand, do not really understand it. I have a boyfriend, so I know it. I have to explain to him, regularly every month, that sorry it is the time of the month again, my bad.

At that 'time of the month', I will be very annoying. There's a moment even when when I hate myself. I feel so not confident. I feel that I make more mistakes than I do usually.

When I was younger, in high school until college, never I have to deal with 'the time of the month' like this. I was happier back then. I do not feel "PMS" like now. But when I started working and being more serious in relationship, the PMS is getting worse. The stress, the workload, the insecurity, make it harder.

I do things, you know, to tackle the issue. I keep doing exercise, twice a week. I keep my self busy, reading books or watch movie, so I'm not daydreaming which can trigger the bad thinking. I even control my appetite, I avoid sugar and salt to prevent bloating,  I eat a lot of yogurt and fruits to help me feel better about myself. For most of the time, it is working, but sometimes, I still hate my self.

We can do things to minimize the impact. I tried hard to be the better version of me at  that time. But it is not always easy. Sometimes, no matter hard you try, a teeny tiny problem can lead to explosion in your day to day life. And that's OK. Because you are only human after all.

Men do not understand that, because they did not feel it. The back pain, the mood swing, the swell in the breast. They do not understand the hormones. I said to my boyfriend, if I act like a jerk sometimes in my PMS, please just suck it up. Please be compassion and patient. It sometimes can out of my control.

You know, I do not want to hate my PMS. One day, I'm sure I will missing it, if I'm old enough and never have to experience it. It's a moment in women's life, that we have to believe, any storm will be passed out. It is a cycle, there is time when you feel not good in PMS, but after it finished, you realized that your skin is glowing, your hair looks better, and overall you appearance and mood is much better.

I guess, I still learning that it is just life. And life is suck sometimes, but how wonderful, if we can fight as hard as possible, and feel the victory against ourselves?

Sweet

What is the sweetest gesture in your relationship?

I have so many actually. I like it when he kisses my forehead and hugs me every time he says goodbye after a date. I like it when we hang out every weekend in a small restaurant and I get tired and I put my head on his shoulder and he kisses my hair. I like it when we walk together and he will pull me and put himself in front of me if there is a car rushing.

Relationship in day-to-day basis is not always sweet. We meet almost 7 days a week. Well, it is natural if sometimes we feel saturated and got into a fight. But there is no leftover in the fight. Before we sleep we will make it up.

But, those every little detail. The sweet gesture we do to each other. It lasts much longer than the fight. It makes me warm.

It's so crazy. I'm missing him right now. Yesterday we just met, and now I'm missing him and think about all of those details.

How a bunch of hormone I am!

Complete Failure?

Two days ago I had a little emotional breakdown.

It was the night of my birthday. My boyfriend called me in the midnight, said happy birthday with joy in his voice, and started to singing. Suddenly I cried- nonstop. 

He's getting upset (as always every time I cried). He said he hates tears and weakness.

It's all about my 27th birthday. I get all emotional that night.

I said to him (yelled actually), "my life is a complete failure".
I'm 27 years old, I do not have my own apartment or house, I still living in Kos,
I do not have my own car.
And what about career?  My boss, when he was 28 years old, he already becoming CFO in Korea. Me? I do not have anyone to lead.

I know, I sound like an ungrateful jerk.

But I have my reason. Since I was a kid, my family and my friends see me as someone who will be very successful. I always be in top of my class, every single year, since elementary school until high school. Never missed that top percentile. I was number one in my class in SMAN 5 Bandung (one of best school in my birth city at that time). I was studied in ITB (you know, the Best University in Indonesia - well this might be debatable for some people, but ITB is really really good). I have both my bachelor and master degree from ITB with scholarship. I'm not just that diligent girl. I have vision and determination, I'm so tough about my work. And look where I am right now.

My boyfriend was very upset to me when I said all of that. He said that I'm very ungrateful. He said that if I'm a single parent with 5 kids, and I do not have any money, then I can say that.
He said, with all of my degree, with my career right now, with my experience as the only girl my company sent to Japan last year to working there. I should not be so harsh to myself.

I got his points. But my standard is not that 'ordinary'. I cannot easily satisfied.

I know that my reaction was super bad that night. I had a tiring day, and with all of the hormones, I felt extremely upset that night.
It is so extra when I said I'm a complete failure. No, I'm not a complete failure of course. But it is not good enough for me.

Being hungry for self-accomplishment is different with being ungrateful. If you are easily satisfied, you will not achieve the best potential. Never. It is important sometimes, in some level to feel disappointed about yourself and make it better.

I refuse myself to sit tight on my chair and said oh my god how wonderful life is, when birds is chirping and flower is blooming, and my life is just that ordinary.

How much I hate that ordinary word.

Life is so short, right? Then fight for it. Fight like you keeping score with life. Fight like it is so important to you that in your deathbed, you can proud of your life. Proud with everything you achieve. 

Fish

I like to criticizing things, I guess..

Anyway, friends of mine have some fishes as their pets in the office. Some of them have small aquariums (literally small, like 15cm x 15 cm) or very small aquariums (like 10 cm x 10 cm). Btw, can I called it aquarium? I do not know what is the standard dimension for legitimate aquarium.

So, they said that they do really love the fishes (golden fish or cupang fish (Betta sp.)). They treat them like real pets, give them names, clean their super little aquariums, give them food, change the water every two days, and etc. etc.

But every time, I go to their desk and see the fishes. It looks stressful. It looks like unhappy actually. They just stay still, not swimming happily regularly (well maybe they cannot swim after all, because it is a very small aquarium).

So I said to my friend, I guess your fish is not happy. And they said, how come, I just give them food and look there are some accessories in that 'super little' (I added the term super little by myself) aquariums.
I replied, how come they can be happy, the aquarium is similar with my Kos in the human world. And there is no internet, Netflix, TV in that small aquarium. How come you expect them to be happy for all of this time.
Imagine, if you live in a small kos, and you cannot go anywhere. 24 hours in your kos. Doing nothing, no television, no friends, no space to breath. Though you have good food (not sure it is a good food, it must be boring to eat the same food all the times), you will never feel happy if you are living in that kind of prison with no interaction with your species.

And you still can assume that they are happy. Naive or you are just that dumb?

That is the basic problem with human in general. For their own ego and happiness, they buy the fish or bird or rabbit or dog or cat or iguana or whatever animal, you call them as your pet, you said you love them, care about them, but you put them in a prison, small cage, never go outside, give them same food every single damn day until the sweet release of death comes after them.

Do you think that animals is emotionless? They can feel a damn. It is ok to treat them whatever you like, and you can just assume that they are happy, just by giving them the same food every single damn day. No, they have emotions, even though not as complex as human. They can feel, they can be stressful. I do not want to have any pet, if I can guarantee to give them a space to breath. If they can run in reasonable space, or if they do not have interaction with other animals. No, because unless we can give it to them, we just put them into life sentence in a prison.

Stop being so naive, use your brain to think. To have empathy for every creatures in this universe. Thing twice, if it is you, do you want to be treated like that?

Again, the mindset is the problem. I always said again and again, never think that human is everything. That everything in this earth can be used only for human's happiness and satisfaction. It's an arrogant mindset, and totally wrong.

Never think like that. Use your brain.

Put the Purpose

Today, one of my friend casually asked me, then what will you do in life?
It start with very casual conversation about Kapuas river, the tribal life there, and 'who's gonna win the fight, wonder woman or black widow'.

Then she asked me that question suddenly, out of nowhere. It quite strike me like lightning in the middle of the day. It's important question, right?

So what will you answer if someone ask you that question. What will you do in life? What is your life's purpose?

For girls, please do not answer, "I want to get married with someone nice." Please don't. It is 21st century. Please do not humiliate yourself with that kind of answer. It's like one of the most swallow/super ordinary girl's answer and I hate it for its ordinary. Like, marriage is your super important goal in life and that's the only thing you are breathing in.

So I answer her, I'm not thinking about it thoroughly yet, but I want participate to save some tiger, to increase awareness about animal protection. And I want to go around the world as a gift to my own self. I want to see the penguin and whale migration. And see the Aurora in the North. And try as many as cafes all around Europe and America. That's what I want to do. 

To be honest, put purpose (a real and good legitimate purpose) is not easy. And do it, it's even more and more harder. I've already visited 5 countries so far, but to go to Europe or America, it is difficult. Money is the biggest obstacle of course, but also the time to go. I have to work, and I love my work. Do I have enough time to do that? And for the tiger, I already participate to donate money regularly, but how far I will help them with little money, and never directly involved.

Human life is just so short. 60-70 years is already very long for human nowadays. It's like you wake up in one morning feeling young, healthy, and energize. And one day, you wake up again, you are already 26 years old and not enough amazing thing you do in life.

Do you know Malala Yousafzai? She is Pakistani and she received Nobel Prize for Peace when she was 17 years old. And when David Letterman asked her about her goals in life, she said I want to put  women's education as purpose in my short life. I want to fight so young girls in my country and anywhere in the world can receive good quality education. She has very brilliant and honorable purpose and she is working on it, again brilliantly.

She's amazing. And I'm not achieving anything brilliantly yet.
Gosh, time is keep ticking, like a bomb. And what have I done so far? Will you ask the same question to yourselves? What have you done so far? What will you do? What is purpose in your life? Or will you be that 'faceless' person, with no significant life purpose, and the only life goal is getting married.

I hope not. So help me God.