My boyfriend has a friend, let's call him 'J'. He is a friend from college.
Sometimes, my boyfriend and he will hang out together, and it always make me a bit upset.

I think at some level I feel threatened by him. You know, boys hang out. I do not know what exactly their activities, etc. etc. One day, we had a fight, because J asked my bf go to a nightclub and I don't like it. To make my insecurities are getting worse, my boyfriend seemed enjoy his company very much. Even a bit more than me (I suspect wkwkwk).

I've never explicitly, saying out loud about my dislike and insecurities. But I know he realized it a bit.

Then yesterday, we met at a mall (the three of us). I'm smiling to him and he smiling back. Nothing happened.

In a taxi back home, my boyfriend told me his story. About he and J. That on every Sunday, they will go to the church together, and then he always visit J's house. He will watched TV in J's house (my bf didn't have TV in his house during his college). He said that J is one of his longest friend who is always nice to him.

I didn't say much at the taxi.
I felt sad hearing his story about J actually. He said that J is his friend when he didn't have much.

At night before we slept, I send a text message to my boyfriend. I said, I'm sorry that I have that insecurities and dislike about J. J is always nice to my boyfriend, and there is no reason for me to not like him and be nice to him. My bf is a big boy and he can choose what is good and not good.

Sometimes we act very selfish. I felt terrible.  I got jealous (to a man guys) and dislike someone who is very nice to my bf even when I'm not existed in his life yet. I want he to choose me over his good friend. So selfish and 'bitchy'.

I'm so grateful that I have an opportunity to realize my mistake and fix it. It's an important lesson for me in my relationship. As a woman, sometimes we think that we are supposed to be 'his wholesome world', we push our partner to always choose us over any other things in his life. Well, it doesn't fair at all. If we do really care, we will try to accept his family, his friends. If their friend are nice to him, we should treat them nicely too.

Thank you for being nice to him when I'm not around yet.