My boyfriend has a friend, let's call him 'J'. He is a friend from college.
Sometimes, my boyfriend and he will hang out together, and it always make me a bit upset.

I think at some level I feel threatened by him. You know, boys hang out. I do not know what exactly their activities, etc. etc. One day, we had a fight, because J asked my bf go to a nightclub and I don't like it. To make my insecurities are getting worse, my boyfriend seemed enjoy his company very much. Even a bit more than me (I suspect wkwkwk).

I've never explicitly, saying out loud about my dislike and insecurities. But I know he realized it a bit.

Then yesterday, we met at a mall (the three of us). I'm smiling to him and he smiling back. Nothing happened.

In a taxi back home, my boyfriend told me his story. About he and J. That on every Sunday, they will go to the church together, and then he always visit J's house. He will watched TV in J's house (my bf didn't have TV in his house during his college). He said that J is one of his longest friend who is always nice to him.

I didn't say much at the taxi.
I felt sad hearing his story about J actually. He said that J is his friend when he didn't have much.

At night before we slept, I send a text message to my boyfriend. I said, I'm sorry that I have that insecurities and dislike about J. J is always nice to my boyfriend, and there is no reason for me to not like him and be nice to him. My bf is a big boy and he can choose what is good and not good.

Sometimes we act very selfish. I felt terrible.  I got jealous (to a man guys) and dislike someone who is very nice to my bf even when I'm not existed in his life yet. I want he to choose me over his good friend. So selfish and 'bitchy'.

I'm so grateful that I have an opportunity to realize my mistake and fix it. It's an important lesson for me in my relationship. As a woman, sometimes we think that we are supposed to be 'his wholesome world', we push our partner to always choose us over any other things in his life. Well, it doesn't fair at all. If we do really care, we will try to accept his family, his friends. If their friend are nice to him, we should treat them nicely too.

Thank you for being nice to him when I'm not around yet.

Independent Woman

In my office, there is this guy who seemed to like my friend very much. Unfortunately, his feeling is not reciprocated. My friend didn't say it out loud to everyone, but she said it once to me that this guy is not in her level. She is beautiful (very much) and comes from a wealthy background. On the other hand, I do try to put this in a very good way, his appearance is just medium, he is a staff (lower rank than her), he just doesn't show a classy style, and he is a widow with two kids. So you guys can judge my friend or judge me, but she is just being realistic. She cannot like him, and I understand. 

One day my boyfriend asked me, hypothetically, if he is not a staff, if he is a general manager, will you date him? It is a very random question. But I still answer it and I remember exactly my answer.I said to him, no I will not. And it's simply because he is not my type (not tall, not sophisticated, and not smart enough for me). There is no correlation with his position in the office or his money. Even though he is the CEO, I will not like him because his style. I like a smart, sophisticated, and tall gentleman. Just like my boyfriend (wkwkwkwkwkkw).

Well, I said to my boyfriend, position or amount of salary is not a very important parameter for me in choosing a guy. Of course to be realistic I want a guy with vision and good job. But it's not very important, because if it is about money, I think I can take care my self. No need a man for money. 

In almost two and half years relationship with my boyfriend, I rarely asked him to buy me something. If he offered me to buy a present, I will refuse it, except for my birthday of course.

Why? It is not because he is a very cheap skate. It's because my own principle. That both of us healthy and capable to work, and he doesn't have any responsibility to pay anything or buy anything for me.

I want our relationship is working equally. Nobody is lower. But how can I expect him to treat me equally, if I asked him to pay my dinner or buy my clothes or my shoes. Naturally, he will not treat me equally of course, not because he is a bad guy who does not respect woman, but simply because he is a human being. Simple logic behind this conclusion is our parents. They treat us with full authority when we was kid because they pay everything for us. Because they pay the house we sheltered in, pay the clothes, pay the meals.

Do I want my boyfriend (my future husband) to treat me that way. No, because it is not 19th century anymore.

So, we always split the bills; dinner, lunch, grocery shopping, everything. He still buy my birthday present and take me to dinner on Valentine days or when he win a bet with his friend. But that's all od it. I'm not allowed it to have a mind set that my boyfriend should pay for dinner, taxi, or any other stuff.
I want him to see me as this strong independent woman who can take care myself. And most important, I want to see myself as that woman.

I love him very much, and I respect him. And I want him to respect me as natural as it is possible.

Being independent is not easy. But by doing that you earn you honor and your pride and your dignity. Be a strong woman. And that is totally worth it.

Totally Ordinary

One time I watched American Beauty at Netflix.

Well it was a very good movie with non-cheesy conversation and impressive story line.

But that's not what I want to talk about.

In the movie, there is one girl (very beautiful) named Angela Hayes. And there is this another girl named Jane Burnham (not as pretty as Angela physically, always dressed in Gothic style). Both of them are best friends.

Jane Burnham has a boyfriend name Ricky.

Angela is a kind of girl that looked very pretty outside. Pretty in a common general way people will accept. An American standard of beauty. She's also a bit too much into her look. Care too much about appearances.

On the other hand, Jane has a unique style. She dressed like she wants and not following that beauty standard. And that's what Ricky admired, I guess.

One day in a fight conversation between the three of them, Angela said that Jane is weird and ugly. Ricky defended Jane by saying, in his opinion Angela is totally ordinary and boring, unlike unique Jane. Well, Angela was devastated because nobody wants to be ordinary and boring.

Every girls wants to be pretty. They do everything to look pretty. Eyelashes extensions, whitening injection, overpriced face treatment, some treatment that I do not know what the name about their eyebrow, etc. etc. etc. Some girls even going too far by doing breast augmentation or facial surgery.

I also want to look pretty, I use face cream, nice organic shampoo, and other things as well.

But I do not want to put 'appearance' as my ultimate life goal and the 'first thing makes me happy' thing. I do not want to be that superficial.

Appearances will fade away by time. It is a definite thing, just a matter of time.
No matter how pretty you are, or how stylish you are, you can deny the aging.
So do not depend your happiness into it.

On the other hand, knowledge will remain much longer. It never boring. Read a lot so you will have something interesting to say. Learn a lot of different things so you will have broad and wide perspective. Have you own style, be unique. Not be a girl with common beauty standard.

And you will not be that ordinary, boring girl. And that is beauty.

Ain't easy to be cheesy

Because today is Valentine day and our 27 months relationship celebration (wkwkwkwkwkwk)..

It ain't easy to be cheesy! But, I think we are so lucky to find each other.

Ribka & Amry - Bangkok, Thailand

Ribka & Amry - Kamakura, Japan

Ribka & Amry, Kyoto, Japan

If someone is an arse, we do not have to be arse too

I have a colleague, and she is super irritating most of time.
Super selfish person you know. I mean I can be selfish, but compared to her, I must be looked like very kind and nice.

She never really talked to me even though we sit pretty close. She's just going back from overseas vacation, and she did not even share a single candy to her team.
It's not about the candy or chocolate. It's about attitude.

When I was going to Japan last year, she asked me to bring three thick comics and one ornament for her. Anywhere I went to vacations, I always bring her something, because we are teammate. It's a polite and nice thing to do.

But when she went to Japan, she didn't even give me one small candy.

Again, it is not about the candy or chocolate, it's about attitude. She is very rude and selfish, and unfortunately for her, I'm not Jesus, so I'm offended by her attitude.

I do not give slightest damn if she act like a mannequin and never talk to us. My teammate, colleagues, and myself already discuss about her attitude and we decide that if she didn't want any help and didn't want to talk and become friends, so it's just too bad for her. Not our problem.

Shortly, my boyfriend came from Medan last week and bring Meranti cake.
I distributed the cakes to everyone I know in my floor. My teammate and colleagues.
Then my friends (not singular) told me that I should not give her cake, so she can learn that it is not nice and not polite if you treat someone like that. It's not pretty to have attitude like that.
So I did not give her cake that day. So she can understand what it felt like to be isolated and taste her own medicine.

But I do not know, when I back from office, I felt a bit guilty. I mean, I do not like myself when I treat someone like that. I do not feel right. I talked to Amry (my boyfriend) and he said, well just give her one slice, there is no difference whether you give her or not. She will stay the same person. Stay annoying.

So, in the next morning, I give her a cake. And I feel better.

Sometimes, we cannot control how people behave. They can act like a bitch and we cannot really do anything to them. But we can always control our attitude towards people.
Just because some people are asses, we do not have to be asses as well.  We can choose to live in a good virtue that we expect. Always treat people with respect and kindness. Even though sometimes they do not seem to deserve it, but we do not want to be like them, don't we?

Insecurities

Insecurities can be so dangerous and have a great capability to ruin everything (if you let them).

I believe that everyone has insecurities.
Some people "show" their insecurities easily, but some might hide it quite good then you have to know them well before you find out their insecurities.

I have my doubts as well. I have insecurities. To people whom I know very closely, they will find out that my insecurities can be quite destructive (let ask my boyfriend).

Actually, on some level, insecurities help us to keep grounding. To keep us sensitive, and aware of the dangers that might come. But above that "healthy level", insecurities never bring good things. So we have to learn how to control it.

I tried several things to overcome my insecurities.

In the past I tried yoga and meditation. But the outcome is not as expected to be honest. I mean, I enjoyed Yoga very much in my gym place, but every time we do meditation, I rather sleep.

The best 'run away' from the anxieties and  thinking about my insecurities, is by doing active exercises. I'm running, 3 times a week. I do dancing. And believe it or not, by doing active exercises, I am capable to forget all of that negative energy and becoming happier, sexier, and more positive!

I also do writing (like this) to overcome the anxieties and negative energy.

In general, I think having some hobbies definitely will help you.

And what activities drive me toward the abyss of insecurities?
Social media. Easy answer.

Social media (not every time) will make me anxious and insecure. Whether I saw my friends have nicer holiday, nicer things, nicer relationship, nicer blablablabla. It bugging me sometimes.

When I saw that my boyfriend's ex friended my boyfriend's family in social media, I'm totally upset. I do not know why. It doesn't mean anything anymore. My boyfriend said, he don't care and I should not care either. But it bugging me.
So I talked to my boyfriend, arguing with him and asking him to talk to her sister to be my friend, in social media. It ended in a nice way actually, I was introduced to his family. But let's imagine, how it will more lovely if it ended without argument with my boyfriend.

Second example, when I posted photos in instragam, deep down in my heart, I expected people (my followers) to like it. And I feel this 'obligation' to keep liking their photos, even though to be honest, I didn't even like the photos.

Don't you think that it's kind of sad. We pretend to like other people picture, so they will like back our photos even tough both of parties didn't really like the photos.

Social media sometimes can be destructive for our mental health. Seriously. So my boyfriend said, stop thinking to much about social media and lets have better and healthier life.

To be honest, he is a much better social media user than me. He rarely let those kind of thing bugging to much. He just drooling the instagram for his own pleasure. He even deleted his path account.

Well, I tried to be more like him to be honest. To be more care-free about social media. To not let things to control me, but me taking control of things.

Anne Boleyn - A thought

She's famous as a woman who steal a king's attention, King Henry VIII to be exact. She made the King use all of his power to divorce his legal wife at that time, Queen Chaterine of Aragorn.

She's famous for her lavish and glamorous style. And her quite active involvement in Church Reformation.

And she's famous for her beheading when she lost King's favor.

I think it's useless to share her history. She is one of the most popular Queen Consort of England, so probably you already knew her story.

It's just suddenly I'm thinking about her character. About how she is so charming, so intelligent, and so great as an illicit lover. She is a very attractive woman, you know. Not just because her physic. There are so many beautiful women in England, but why she is so special. The King himself separate Church of England from Rome just because of her. Many Catholics died at that time because of her.

I'm not saying that she is a nice person. No, she definitely doesn't have any integrity. She's very ambitious and ruthless. She's not a good example as a woman, she stole somebody's husband and decide that she wants to get rid of Princess Mary (king's daughter from his previous marriage).

But at that time, women has limited opportunities. Women always treated as inferior. A desired woman should be docile and submissive. And Boleyn, despite of those limitation, with her intelligence, pragmatism, can changed a history. She is very active in Church reformation as well at that time. She is always interested in politic affairs, which of course becoming one reason why she has many enemies in the court.

I do not want to be as manipulative as Boleyn. I do not want to take something whose not mine. I do not want to do any illegal action just to get power like Anne Boleyn. Or to break a family just to get what I want.
But, I want to be brave like her. To be progressive as women in my time. To be not afraid to have a dream. To be smart and intelligence, not boring and mediocre. To claim my rights as a women, that I'm not lesser than any men. That education and manner who define our honor, not our gender.

Yes to be smart, intelligence, and progressive. Not boring and mediocre. Not just have 'look' but hollow inside.  

Three years is the a perfect time to evaluate your commitment and future for one position in one company. If it doesn't challenge you anymore or give you the appreciation that you are eligible to receive, well the ball is in your court. Wait a bit longer or fight to get better position or get out and search what you deserve to get.

I've worked for two and half years now in my current company. In several weeks we will receive our performance evaluation, so I will see, whether my future is still belong to this company or should I venture into some other areas.

Nobody will take care of you in business world. No one. You should take care and only care to yourself.

Pragmatism is on top of everything in the office.

Stay hungry!

Let's face it that we all have some superficial reason to love someone.
I do care and have affection about my boyfriend, in a true way. But when I first met him, I have a very specific superficial reason about why I like him.
Well, it's about the fact that he is a tall guy, kind of super tall for Indonesian.
I'm a hobbit size, so since I was little, I always think that if I will end up with someone then it will be with someone tall (you know, due to anthropological reason).

Then, I'm wondering,  hypothetically if he shrunk into hobbit size, will I still love him like today? It's very random thought.

Why?
I remember that I told him one day when we discuss about his hair, that even though he's becoming bald or fat or darker, my feeling will never change. And I mean it. Those things doesn't matter to me. I can easily trivialize those issue.
But, how if it is about his height, something that I always love about physically. How if he shrunk into my hobbit size. Can it be trivialized easily as well? Of course this question is a moot point. He cannot be suddenly becoming short like me, but you know, we talk hypothetically. 

Maybe not that easily, correct?  Because even though it is not crucial or important and very superficial, but it is one specific thing that I love about him. Something that I don't have but he has it, and I feel like it complete me, cover my flaw.

You know, I care and love him deeply and truly (again I say it). I never thinking about someone else like I do about him. But I realize that my feeling is not perfect. It's tainted by my superficial and selfish human characteristic.
It's very "human" indeed.
There is no perfect love between a man and woman. It is always corrupted by something. It's not like God's love for example, who can love us beyond all of that physical appearances.

Yes, I admit how superficial and how deformed my love is. It's limited.

Love is not perfect. The extreme changes either physically or mentally in people that we love can affect us. To be honest. 

But the next question will be, should we give up on something because our nature as human being is corrupted and deformed from beginning. No. We won't give up. I definitely will not.

I will never leave him because one stupid reason. I love him in so many ways and for so many reasons. Even though I cannot change the fact  that my feeling can change temporarily because my human nature which I can deny, but the commitment between us is strong enough to passed those stupid obstacles. I have many other reasons to stay love him.

Love is not perfect.
But love with commitment and honor and friendship hopefully will remain true.

Stop sucking that plastic straws!

Lately I saw some campaigns to stop using plastic straws and it sounds very promising and interesting for me.

So, I bought stainless steel straws last week and give it also to my bf and my friends. I have never used plastic straws anymore since last week. And I'm kind of proud to myself to do this initiative.

Stainless Steel Straws - Bought for IDR 45k

OK, so why we should stop using plastic straws? It is very simple and logic.
Because everyday people all around the world using plastic straws for one-used and than those stupid plastic straws will be a big pile of nonrenewable waste that will end mostly in our sea and harm our sea ecosystem.

Have you ever heard that there are many animals in the sea DIED because they ate those stupid plastic or those plastic being sucked at their nose? Well if you never heard it, then I will tell you. Over 100 million marine animals are killed each year due to plastic debris in the ocean (source : https://conserveturtles.org/) 

So guys, I urge you. Please stop using stupid plastic straws. 

Please stop being so selfish. Please stop thinking that human is so superior, thinking that as long as my life is good and comfortable, than it is definitely not my problem if a turtle die because they eat my waste. 

Please stop. It got my nerves every time I saw some stupid disgusting people who posting their photos in Instagram doing fun activities in the beach and then they sucking their plastic straws to drink coconut water or drinking mineral bottle waters. Do you expect that all of those plastic waste will be just disappeared? NO. They won't disappear.  

Human's ignorance and superiority feeling (thinking that human is better and higher and more important than other any creatures) make me feel sick. 
My boyfriend loves snorkeling and turtles as well, so I urge him to stop using plastic stupid straws and I give him one good stainless steel straws. 

It is our responsibility to take care the nature, this wonderful earth. If we cannot take care it, at least we can stop ruining it. And it can start with simple action, just stop sucking those plastic straws. Drinking directly or using your stainless steel straws. Stop being selfish, arrogant, and ignorant creature. Start taking responsibility.  

Be more like Sam Gamgee

"But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something. That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for"
-Sam Gamgee LOTR-


I am a big fan of J.R.R Tolkien. I have read his books for so many times. I bought his books when I was in Junior High School with my own savings. Before my bf started collecting books, I have done it since I was in Junior High School for J.R.R Tolkien books.

When I was a kid, my favorite character in LOTR is always Aragorn, you know mainly because he is brave and humble (even though he is a king legitimate heir, he didn't want to be a king because he's afraid he will follow his father's way) and very capable using his swords, and very adventurous, blablablabla. Yes I love Aragorn, and always fantasize about him.

But back at that time, I have never put many thoughts about Sam Gamgee. Never. Maybe because he is described as fat hobbit and his professions is only Frodo's gardener. How shallow I am when I was a kid.

But after I watched LOTR again last month (maybe for 10 times repetitions in my life), I found that Sam Gamgee's character is very noble and wonderful. He is not a king or hero's descendant. He's only a gardener. But as Frodo said at the end of the story, Frodo will never be able to go that far to destroy the Ring, without Sam Gamgee.

Sam Gamgee is like the most loyal friend and companion that you want to have. He is very devoted to help Frodo in his mission. He is true, humble, but also brave and throughout the story, he show great deal of courage and heroism.
When Frodo had doubts about their mission, Sam said the quotes in above article. He said to Frodo, the great characters in the stories never turn back, because they know that there are some in this world  and it's worth to fighting for.
 What a great thinking!

When Frodo doubted him and banished him, he still followed Frodo and fought bravely against the big spider and the orcs to save Frodo.

When Sam have to be a ring bearer for a very short period because he thought Frodo is dead, without showing hesitation he gave the ring back to Frodo which show great character.

When Frodo almost gave up to destroy the ring, Sam always encourages him. Always. When Frodo cannot walk anymore to Mount Doom, Sam carried him on his back.

I hope, I can be more like Sam the Brave. True, loyal, kind, humble, brave human being. Never have desire for glory or treasure, simply wants to be have a wonderful adventure  with his friends, help to save the world, and come back to his home to meet the love of his life. 

Was Ugly

I opened my facebook page two days ago. To be honest, for me facebook is a bit outdated, I rarely open it anymore. But, my boyfriend's mother add me as friend in facebook, so I have to open it and confirm the friend request (of course!).

Well, after quite long time never really care about the photos there (most of the photos are from my college era), I open it again.

And bam!  I'm quite shocked with the photos. I try to say this in a nice way, but yes to be honest, I looked very ugly on my college days.

OMGGGGGG!! My skin is quite dark, I even cannot remember that I have been that dark. You know, in college I was take 'ancot' twice a day, so I kind of blame it. And you know, I don't even bother to wash my face with special face shop (so saaad). Not finish yet..and my hair looked so messy, like I've never combing my hair, looked very dull. And my clothes and my shoes, terrible. 

Well, I was shocked, but then I started to laugh my self loud. I mean, I was ugly, but I have so many fond and good memories there. My college days are definitely one my favorite time in the world. I felt free, literally, like a bird, in the college, you know, intellectually, spiritually. I felt genuinely happy.

I realized two things after opening my facebook page again. One, I'm so grateful that after working, I have enough money and enough capability to realize the importance to take care my self physically. And, second, I'm also feel grateful that I spend four amazing year in my bachelor degree. It was quite awesome! I can see myself as you know, an intelligent entity, surrounding with so many smart, amazing friends (well I studied in ITB, so believe me, my friends are crazy smart asses), and I have so many times to thinks about matter things except myself.

It doens't matter anymore that I was looked so ugly (physically) back then. I was so happy and that supposed to be counted, correct.