Meet up the parents

So.. next week, I will meet his parents. For the first time in almost three years we are having this relationship.

I’m a bit nervous. I want his family to like me. Of course. He likes his family, I like him, so I need his family to like me.

It’s a bit stupid. I’m nervous about what I’m going to wear, how if they do not like me..

Several times, I said to him and to myself. Why am I so panic. I love him so much and I care about him sincerely. I’m highly educated, from good family. Nothing to worry. But still.

Well, let’s see how it turns out. Hopefully they will like me!

Kiss

Do you remember your first kiss?

I remember mine. It was so beautiful. I remember it in such details. It was only like 10 seconds, but the feel lingers until today. It was sweet. I remember his face came down, I can feel his lips in my eyes, then my nose, and then our lips met only for that magical 10 seconds. It was so sweet. 

In my country, a kiss between man and woman is taboo to discuss. People talked about it like it was something disgusting. Like something dirty and naughty.

I’m 100% disagree. I used to called them “norak” or “kampungan” or “munafik”.

Kiss is a way, an expression to tell someone that you love them. That simple.

What makes it dirty is the perception, that it can lead to fornication. So sad, aren’t they? Just because you cannot do it, do not judge people who do it.

Kiss can be interpreted in so many ways. It shows love, affection, compassion, friendship, greetings, respect. So many ways. Of course, it can also show lust. But not every kiss.

As educated people, we know the limit. I know the limit. Just it is super annoying when some people keep judging it and point their "holy" hands to other people who do it. 

I’ve never felt ashamed to said it, that my boyfriend has kissed me. With love. Not dirty at all. He kisses me because he loves me, and so do I.

When somebody talked about kisses or do it, then other people (in my country) will make it as a gossip and judge it, they will say that it is a Western culture, not good for children to see. 

Well, if you just would like to open your mind for a bit and stop judging something just based on what your parents or society said. If you just can stop mind other people’s business. Love is universal, it is not a Western culture only. 

Kiss is simple and beautiful. It creates a connection between two people. And if you see it in an educated way, there is nothing wrong with it. Nothing.

Give Up

There will be many moments in life where we find ourselves want to scream as loud as possible saying that life is sucks. Like super sucks.

Career, finance, family, love-life. It can be sucked sometimes

It is OK to say that. But said it out loud, will never change a thing. Not a single thing.
What will change it is your actions toward the problem.

To be honest, these last two weeks are not my favorite weeks. I have some trouble in work place. I used to be so certain and firm about my career. Always. I know what I want to achieve. The goal is very clear, and I worked my ass off for that. And the company disappointed me. After years and years working my ass off, I feel that they do not treat me fairly. I plan to resign to be honest. This not the first time. I knew how to resign and how to get a job soon. I've experienced it three years ago.

I said to my boyfriend several times this week, that life is sucks, super sucks. But again, he said it to me, saying that out loud won't change anything. What matter is how we turn this inconvenience (shit) for our advantage. Take a deep breath and do not rush it.

So...

I decided to suck it up. For a while. Until I have more bargaining power. I took some step back to review my life and come up with new plan.

Life is suck, generally. Of course it can be beautiful momentarily. But generally, this life is unfair and suck. There is no definite rules saying that if you keep doing good and work very hard then the result will be in line with your expectation. No, it is not. The result is likely of course, but there is no certainty.

It something that we should accept. And do not ever think that we want to give it up. Never. Be a fighter. Who wins thing.

Life is suck, but it will never brings me down.

Promises

When you take a promise, you are bound to keep that commitment. People make promises all the time from the small insignificant thing, but then they tend to forget about it.

Promises, whether you fulfill it or not, will indicate how we value people to whom we make promises and at the same time indicate how we value ourselves (our own words). Simply speaking, keeping our promises closely related to our integrity.

I limit myself to 'making promises' thingy. For example, I never said that I will write this blog often, because then if I do not do it often, people will question my integrity. Can I trust this person again when he or she says something, while he or she make a promise one time and do not fulfill it? Rather than do that, I just said it to myself (verbally to myself) that I will keep writing on my blog since it develops my skills and reduce my stress.

My boyfriend never makes a promise, that he will marry me in some specific years. And so do I. I never make such promises as well. Promise raise expectation and put our integrity and commitment on the betting table. Why on earth smart people will ever do that to themselves? I love him and respect him and so do him to me, but we are just ordinary people, we are still learning to keep that commitment and hoping that one day we will brave enough to say it verbally and in writing that we take that commitment forever to take a knot. There are smart and important reasons why we do not married yet. 

My point is, some people make a lot of promises, for small insignificant matter until big serious things. They just say it, in order to convince people to believe them. They do not think about it thoroughly. Some people do not realize that build your integrity is much more important than making some problem instantly disappear temporarily. Keeping your own words is one way to show that you respect yourself and other people.

So, stop making promises if you do not really mean it. Stop making promises just to convince people or to make the problem disappear today. Stop making promises you know that you cannot or will not fulfill it. Be a better person and bigger person, even though people will not see it directly, do it because you respect yourselves.

Working out the menu

I am a bit allergic to major and massive changes. I like stability and gradually changes.

My boyfriend, Amry, will say that I have to be more adept to changes and be braver to try something new. 

From the most basic thing like food, I have many limitations and do not like many foods. 

I only eat fish (not every fish, limited types and should be deep fried or roasted), chicken, and beef. I eat every fruit in the world, but cannot eat all of the vegetables. Yes, I am a picky eater. I do not like pork, duck, goat, sheep, clamps, crab, scallops, cauliflower, cabbage, and there is a list going on. So every time, I go on a date, I will choose the menu. My boyfriend should compromise. It's OK for him, actually, since dating with me, he has overall better health conditions, lower cholesterol. 

Anyway, reluctant to new things is not so dearly. I have to change my habit, slowly and gradually.
Today, I decide to work on Starbucks menu as an initial step. I thought, well why not, it should be easy. Fyi, I always order green tea latte, plain green tea (zen tea), and vanilla latte. Three type of beverages for these years. Over and over and over. I always get afraid to try something new, even something simple like coffee. I know, I have a mental disorder...

So today, I order something new, Asian Dolce Latte. It takes me 5 minutes to choose the 'new beverage' to try. Which one makes me less scared. 

Even though it seemed extremely simple and easy for you, but for me, it is nowhere from easy. Can you imagine? 

But the point is that I try. Try to change something negative in my life. Try to overcome my stupid silly fear.

We all have those stupid silly fear. And how to overcome the fear, by fighting it. It will go nowhere if we do nothing. So I start with the simplest thing and hope to leave my fear forever.

Let's check something not good that we want to change, and take a baby step. The most difficult thing is always to start first. 

Btw, Asian Dolce Latte is not so bad as I imagine. Quite nice actually! :)

Bangkok - Ribka & Amry's Journey

Bangkok is exotic.
The traffic is similar with Jakarta, but the manner of drivers is much better (no one gives clackson, even in the heavy traffic jam). People are not as kind as in Jakarta, but still OK. Food is incredible.

Spent 4 days in Bangkok. My third favorite country after Japan and Australia.

Overall, 7.5 from 10. Much more interesting than Singapore.

Day 1 Bangkok - Foodstreet, Platinum Mall

Day 2 Bangkok - Wat Arun

Day 2 Bangkok - Wat Phra Chettuphon

Day 2 Bangkok - Wat Phra Chettuphon

Day 3 Bangkok - Jim Thompshon's House 

Day 3 Bangkok - with Tuk Tuk

Day 3 Bangkok - with Tuk Tuk

Need You Now

Have you ever heard a song titled "Need you now"?
Well, it is not about the song, but about me who has a big problem and need someone.

My boyfriend is really something.

I love him so much and I know he also does love me, but he has totally different ways to tackle a problem.

He and I are different. I'm more about whining, complaining, crying, and all emotional. I'm all about being reactive. On the other hand, he is super stable, so fewer emotions.

Last night, I have a big problem in the office. My boss wants to develop my career/ability/whatever it is, in the way that I'm not used to and not agree in the beginning.

I cannot say no because it is a challenge and I have to do it, but to be honest, I'm not ready and I do not like it.

I started getting quite stressful. I started to create different scenarios in my head (usually worst scenario is being kept repeating in my head).

I started to cry and cannot get proper sleep last night. And I told my boyfriend.

Do you know, what is my expectation? He is to understand. He is to listen. He is to comfort me.
But what did I get? He said some few words like "be patience" and "that's life". And when I kept my story go on, he started to yell at me. Not yell as a yell, literally. But in a higher voice and strong words.
To be exact, he said that, "you have a loser mentality, stop fantasizing, stop whining, and move on."

I was devastated. I'm really tired last night, physically and mentally, and he said all of those things.

I was angry and I said that he was rude and stupid cold-blooded heart.

When I arrived at the home, he said sorry. And I forgave him.

Why? Because he is he. He does not mean to harm me. He is just being Amry. He does not like to hear my whining, he wants me to be stronger.

Well, I forgave him and still do love him, still very much. But I'm also feeling a bit disappointed.

It is a moment when I cried help from him, I said to him I need you now, at this moment, to be my loving supportive boyfriend. I do not need you to say to me how strong I have to be, because I knew it already. I just need your ears and little sympathy.

But he cannot ever be like that. That's his style and personality.

And that is called relationship everyone. A relationship is hard and definitely not for everyone. But you still get addicted to it and keep looking for it.

How can you stand mad to the rain?
Today, I plan to go to the church after several weeks. I thought, despite of all the dissenting opinions, today is Easter, and I have to go to the church, to say, “I’m all a sinner”.
I just changing my clothes and start ordering an ojek, and suddenly a big raining comes up.

Well, I’m very upset. Why on earth it has to be raining, on the day I decided to go back to the church. Seriously? Like can’t you wait for another 30 minutes?

So, I wait until the raining stops. It was a big raining with thunders and lightning. I have to wait.
One hour later, the raining is not so bad, I go outside. It’s already too late to go to the church, so I take my lunch.

On my way, I smell the rain. You know? That fresh and clean smell, mix with the grass and the soil. It felt pure. Like all of the shit this city has produced today, just cleansed away.

So how can you stay mad to the rain? Even though it’s ruining your plan, you cannot stand being upset. You will be pushed to just enjoy what this nature gives you. A fresh clean aroma the raining gives.