Hormones

It is the time of the month again.

Maybe most of the women will understand it. The time of the month when you will upset over small things, being that super sensitive bitch, and feel like you need a conflict to feel better (being temporally drama queen). Women understand, because women feel it, actively, so I guess we share the pain together.

I guess, men, on the other hand, do not really understand it. I have a boyfriend, so I know it. I have to explain to him, regularly every month, that sorry it is the time of the month again, my bad.

At that 'time of the month', I will be very annoying. There's a moment even when when I hate myself. I feel so not confident. I feel that I make more mistakes than I do usually.

When I was younger, in high school until college, never I have to deal with 'the time of the month' like this. I was happier back then. I do not feel "PMS" like now. But when I started working and being more serious in relationship, the PMS is getting worse. The stress, the workload, the insecurity, make it harder.

I do things, you know, to tackle the issue. I keep doing exercise, twice a week. I keep my self busy, reading books or watch movie, so I'm not daydreaming which can trigger the bad thinking. I even control my appetite, I avoid sugar and salt to prevent bloating,  I eat a lot of yogurt and fruits to help me feel better about myself. For most of the time, it is working, but sometimes, I still hate my self.

We can do things to minimize the impact. I tried hard to be the better version of me at  that time. But it is not always easy. Sometimes, no matter hard you try, a teeny tiny problem can lead to explosion in your day to day life. And that's OK. Because you are only human after all.

Men do not understand that, because they did not feel it. The back pain, the mood swing, the swell in the breast. They do not understand the hormones. I said to my boyfriend, if I act like a jerk sometimes in my PMS, please just suck it up. Please be compassion and patient. It sometimes can out of my control.

You know, I do not want to hate my PMS. One day, I'm sure I will missing it, if I'm old enough and never have to experience it. It's a moment in women's life, that we have to believe, any storm will be passed out. It is a cycle, there is time when you feel not good in PMS, but after it finished, you realized that your skin is glowing, your hair looks better, and overall you appearance and mood is much better.

I guess, I still learning that it is just life. And life is suck sometimes, but how wonderful, if we can fight as hard as possible, and feel the victory against ourselves?